“Being a child is wonderful,
but even more wonderful is
to keep that child within us during our entire existence.”
There are times when the Universe gives us signs. Some people say we see what we want to see, but I believe there’s more to it. That there is something or someone looking out for us. And that if we keep our soul opened, we will see their response to our cry for help.
One time, when I was about to succumb to my first severe depression, a sign fell over my lap, literally. And to this day, it is my motto.
This is the story.
At age 19, the traumas I had experienced were catching up with me. Instead of yelling – what I had whispered or told a few people adding “but I am ok” – I was about to implode. And, like any other teenager, I was on the inescapable and hormonal pursuit of who I was and, moreover, who I was supposed to be.
Whenever I’d shared with anyone my dream of becoming a successful writer, they’d reply that I was childish.
“Few people make it”, they’d say.
“Why can’t I be one of those people?”, I’d respond.
“Because it’s like… one in a million!”
“Why can’t I be that one in a million?”
“You don’t know yet how real life works…”
I used to think, “when will I know”. But there was a strong inner voice telling me I already knew.
I always looked much younger. There was a time when I couldn’t wait to grow up, so that people would respect me just by looking at my old face. Today I am grateful for my genes. The lack of respect I still get from people, due to these chubby cheeks I have and my cheerful personality, is something that now I face with a smile thinking, “Poor you.”
But it was a big issue for me. So big that it led to believe that I wasn’t enough. Not smart enough, grown enough, pretty enough. I knew I was “intellectually” smart. But with people? Emotionally? I was a mess.
And so, I started believing that the inner child I was desperately trying to hold on to, was actually holding me back.
I was nineteen and still climbing trees. I’d switch from extracurricular activities to others like people change clothes. “Can’t you commit to something and finish it?”, people would say. And bit by bit I became “the one that dreams in the laurels.”
Today I know I was trying things out. What’s wrong with that? It is actually good for the soul to never stop wondering about everything… That’s how we grow…
So, amidst a peloton of people crushing my self-esteem, and my inner child telling me, “I am right! They are wrong! Stick with me!”, the Universe spoke.
One afternoon I was on a bus when a boy, seeking to get a few pennies for book-markers, placed one over my lap. One that read,
“Ser un niño es maravilloso. Pero aún más maravilloso es conservar ese niño durante toda nuestra existencia”
Yes, it was in Spanish… I was in Argentina.
I can still recall the feeling I had the second after having read it. I can still remember vividly looking to my left, through the window, and thinking, “There are others thinking like I do… I was right! And I am not alone!”
For a few pennies, the boy may have saved my soul. Even though I stepped away from my purpose for a long time, I never gave up on my dream… I knew my time would come.
Today the time has come, and I am confident that during this new journey, I will find those other people who feel like I do. My people.
Are you one of them?