“Tonight on world news: Learn how looking in the mirror and saying coronavirus three times can summon the virus.” I wish I’d have come up with that.
I opened YouTube on Sunday night, to escape a shitty day (and week) and a clip from CBSN, that was trending, caught my attention: “Study finds coronavirus could be more contagious than previously thought;” in a few words, the COVID-19 has been found in the air and it could – consequently – travel larger distances.
Chris Livesay, reporting from Italy, says that according to a new research (which he doesn’t mention) published in the International Journal of Environmental Research and Public Health , wearing masks and keeping a distance of six-feet may not be enough anymore. Why? Because a group of scientists have found the coronavirus in particles of air pollution, especially high in Industrial areas.
Since Mr. Livesay was recommending the need to wear masks without wearing one himself (and since I’m a geek when it comes to “find the source”) I started searching for the paper, but I couldn’t find it with a few clicks; that hurt my ego and annoyed my patience, so I went back to the clip to read the comments and see what the response of the people was; there I found the user “Cosmic Cola” saying “Tonight on world news: Learn how looking in the mirror and saying Corona Virus three times can summon the virus.”
It’s not the first time I find comments like this, where people doubt about what we know about the virus; actually,
most many some of us question what the media and the governments share, all the time. And, for a person with ADHD and/or anxiety disorders, the weight of the uncertainty in times like this is heavier, literally.
So, I did a little more digging until I found the paper  but it left me with more questions that answers: who are these authors; can I, can we trust them? How much area did they cover? Where is the rest of the data? By the time I was arriving to “an idea” of the whole picture, I had so many tabs opened in my browser that Safari said, “This webpage is using significant energy”… I thought, “You? You are using…? Shut up!” … I just closed them all.
And I got to thinking, “does it matter; does it matter to research about this now, when you are still struggling with the side effects of your ADHD meds because you couldn’t adapt your routine to the ‘new normal’?”
On Sunday night another thing happened while I was on YouTube; Argentina extended the quarantine for the third time, until May 10th. However, the government also forbade the sale of plane tickets to leave the country until September.
What does it tell you?
In 2017, after having realized that trying to kill myself was something I didn’t want to experience EVER again, I wondered “How do I this? How do I get up?” I was so lost… I was barely recovering from a man trying to kill me a few months before, from a previous one who shuttered my soul for a decade, and from the disgusting lie of a family that no longer felt mine.
“How do I do this? How do I get up? How can I feel safe?” Then one day I thought, “Go back! Go back to the time where you last felt safe and where your dreams were blooming.” It may seem silly, but that’s what I did; I dusted off the bedroom furniture from when I was a teenager, and I decorated my bedroom with it; New Kids On The Block posters included! And so every morning when I’d wake up, for a second or two, I’d feel “What a beautiful life I have and will have.”
The environment helped me to get back in touch with my true self… And recovering, was almost “that easy.”
“Fake it until you make it.”  One may think “You are lying to your self; you are not facing the problem;” and I’d reply, “Incorrect; I am consciously pretending; I am creating a safe environment where I can reflect, grow and from where I’ll come out stronger.” It is a “technique”, ladies and gents, and I’ll get into its details as soon as I can.
So, what does the uncertainty tell me? Right now, it tells me to create a new world again, one inside my house; I’m even thinking about turning down a wall or two. It tells me I should focus on staying strong until I come up with a “perfect” schedule for my ADHD, with a perfect environment for my PTSD, with a perfect life for me and my cats because – right now – all I have is this. And do you know what? It’s a lot.
There are people living in the streets; there are people who have lost their jobs; there are people mourning the death of their loved ones. I am lucky; I am blessed. How are you?
This is my life now. How long will it last? It doesn’t matter; it cannot matter because no one has the answer. In times were nothing is certain (which is “always”); in times were the whole world is experiencing depression and stress, which will surely cause PTSD to many; in these times, I feel a duty to say, “You can be fine; you will be fine; try to control what’s about you and nothing but you, and you’ll be just fine.”
I went through several traumas and I’m still here, with a whole lot of hope, strength and dreams; I tried to end my life, and I’m still here… knowing more than ever how precious it is, even when I still have PTSD. And, I’ve been in self quarantine since 2017 (with a little break) and when I got out this year for one freaking week, the government put me back in… and I am–still–here.
Am I positive all day thinking, “I’ll own this shit! I’ll inspire the world to feel the same way!” Hell to the no. There are days when I work for four hours and then I lay for the remaining of day, watching the clock hoping bedtime comes soon because I want it to be over.
But! I keep getting up every morning … And that’s the biggest trick.
Are you tired of listening “This too shall pass”? I am not. It’s my credo. Make it yours.
On my previous post I said “Maybe tomorrow;” well, tomorrow has arrived. 💪🏻
- The One About the Horse, Racism and Two Weeks Without my MotherOn day 70 of Argentina’s quarantine: nonsense.
- The Wall (Day 57)On the bigger challenge that the COVID-19 quarantine is for those of us with ADHD; fatigue syndrome … and the biggest heartbreak… perhaps.
- Sound the Pots! (Day 49)Contraband, corruption, protests, existentialism issues and no more cigarettes. The scene of Argentina’s quarantine and a neurodiverse mind, updated.
 CBSN (2020) “Study finds coronavirus could be more contagious than previously thought” URL: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OJJvtdGgau0
 International Journal of Environmental Research and Public Health. https://www.mdpi.com/
 Setti, L.; Passarini, F.; De Gennaro, G.; Barbieri, P.; Perrone, M.G.; Borelli, M.; Palmisani, J.; Di Gilio, A.; Piscitelli, P.; Miani, A. Airborne Transmission Route of COVID-19: Why 2 Meters/6 Feet of Inter-Personal Distance Could Not Be Enough. Int. J. Environ. Res. Public Health 2020, 17, 2932. ULR: https://www.mdpi.com/1660-4601/17/8/2932
 One of the greatest quotes I’ve ever heard, from a woman who might have helped saving my life. Amy Cuddy (2012) “Your body language may shape who you are” TED Talk. URL: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Ks-_Mh1QhMc