Why do I Need Medication now?
I pushed my brain too hard and for a long time; I began failing on some aspects of my “resilience mode” and then… crash, bum, bang. At my late twenties, I started focusing on “work, money, pay the bills;” I stopped doing sports and I began eating junk food, smoking more, drinking more, and doing cocaine; that was a tricky and stupid thing to do, because those things boost our dopamine!
At my late-thirties, life – and depression – began to hit harder, and I couldn’t work anymore… But, I still had “that dream” … So, I opened a blog to start sharing my stories, I found “my home” in NYC, and then, on 2016, on a cold December night, a man I was in love with, put his hand on my throat, and squeeze it…
Yup. That too.
Five months later, my brain shut down; on May of 2017, it said, “Honey, I took you as far as I could; I’m out!” My attention dropped down to fifteen minutes, per day (on reading, writing, watching a movie). Thinking I had early Alzheimer, I got brain scans done, and “the best neurologist in town” said, “Yes; your frontal lobe shrunk and connections your brain broke; you have – drumroll please – PTSD of a lifetime. Pills?” I swiped left.
He should have added, “ADHD! Messengers not talking! Your lab needs some methylphenidate to handle properly the dopamine!”, but he didn’t… and I didn’t know what he should have added. I smiled…, and in a state of electric-awake coma, I said, “I’ll put myself on resilience mode again!” and he said, “You do that, girl!”
Resilience got me back on my feet, one more time; oh no, wait! My hyperactivity did that! And now, two years later, I have health, peace of mind (“ish”) … I opened this blog! and I achieved the outstanding amount of two daily writing sessions of forty minutes…, which results in… eight months to write one freaking post? No sir; hit me with the Ritalin. This brain needs some juice!